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She Left...Now What?: Learning to Rebuild when the Unthinkable Happens

Recently I have heard of many marriages succumbing to separation or divorce due to the wife leaving. The stories include examples of marriages lasting from 1 to 25 years and then one day… she’s gone. Over and over I’ve had men sitting in my office saying “I don’t understand, I thought there were problems but not enough for her to leave”. It is heartbreaking. The curious counselor in me is wondering if there was some amount of obliviousness on his part, was it a communication breakdown, was this really that sudden? And then I realize, it doesn’t matter all that much when you have as many questions as your client and now it is time to rebuild. 

Can Counseling Even Help?

So how can I help you through one of the worst moments of your life? Well let’s start with learning who you are. Following my own personal divorce I sat in a state of pieces and nothing seemed to fit anymore. I began with asking myself the big questions that focused on my ex-partner and then gradually moved to asking questions about me. Afterall, I’m the only one I can control in all this.

Questions to Ask Yourself:

Who am I? No, really. I’d always said my favorite food was enchiladas, but then one day in my questioning I came to the conclusion that enchiladas really weren’t all that great or comforting to me anymore. It may seem like a silly question, but I was dedicated to leaving no stone unturned in the pursuit of learning about me. I encourage you to look around at your life and ask yourself “What do I like? What do I dislike? What is important to me?”.

How am I dealing with this? Getting lost in the sauce is easy. Drinking, working excessively, finding comfort in another person, pornography, binging TV can all be an ideal distraction for dealing with how awful this feels. Divorce and separation are good for the brain in that it gives you an opportunity to truly change things that had previously been a problem. Meaning, something opens up in our mind when major negative events occur. It’s why people can lose 30 pounds, embrace a new job, kick a smoking habit when they go through divorce. Use this time wisely. 

I’ll leave you with this, you take you wherever you go. So investing in learning more about yourself is worth it. 

At Mind Works Counseling Services in Lubbock, TX we specialize in helping men work through some of the worst experiences of their lives. We believe that there is always hope and that more times than not, a few skills are all that is needed to begin the healing process.

Learn more about the Trauma Counseling services we offer.

Contact us to schedule an appointment or to let us answer any questions you may have. 

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