• Joshuah Ellis, MS, LPC

Why am I So Angry All the Time?

Updated: Mar 11

Do you find yourself fighting back rage in situations you know should not be bothering you so much? Do you tend to lose your temper and say or do things you regret less than an hour later? Are you tired of having to apologize for your behavior all of the time? Chances are, others in your life have caught on and maybe even encouraged you to get help so that you can better control your anger.



Anger is an emotion that we all feel. However, for some people, the emotion is so intense it often leads to destructive behavior. A lot of people admit to having a temper but there comes a point where it gets old. The problem is, that most folks can’t simply flip a switch and turn off those intense feelings.


Maybe if we were better and understanding why anger is such a dominant force in our lives, we can get one step closer to controlling it and reducing it all together. The following are some reasons why you might be angry all the time.


Coping.

The is true for guys especially. Coping is a learned behavior. Therefore, if no one ever teaches us how to cope, then we will develop our own methods whether they are healthy or not. Think of a toddler. If you take a toy away, chances are that the child is not going to know how to properly deal with that, so what happens? Usually, it is crying, screaming, kicking, or some combination of the two. If no one ever explains to that child, as time progresses, that this is not proper behavior, then those coping skills become firmly set in the brain. Granted, it is rare that an adult will throw a tantrum that looks like a child’s, but at the core of angry, aggressive, and violent behavior, it is simply a lack of proper coping skills.


Communication.

Similar to coping skills, communication is also learned. For men, our capacity to understand ourselves and develop the language to articulate how we feel develops in our brains at a slower rate than girls. We ask young boys to “use their words” when neurologically, they have not developed the hardware to do this. Again, if this is not addressed then men have few skills when it comes to talking about what is going on inside their heads. As a result, we allow things to pile up. This may work for a time, but eventually, it is going to come out. The problem is that by the time it does, we could be processing through months of pent up frustrations and it is too much to deal with all at once. So, it comes out as an outburst of anger.


Underlying Condition.

Again, this is more common in men than in women. Men tend to feel anger first. So, if a man is scared, sad, disappointed, stressed, or anxious, it is likely that this will manifest as anger or aggression. The key to addressing your anger might be identifying that there is something else in your life and on your mind that needs to be addressed. If you can work through that, then chances are that your anger will reduce as well. Depression and anxiety, for example, are nearly just as prevalent in men as in women. However, men seek help for this at around half the rate of women. The result: a lot of depressed or anxious men who just seem to be mad all of the time.


At Mind Works Counseling Services in Lubbock, TX, we not only specialize in treatment for anger management, but we specialize in anger management therapy for men. We understand that everyone is unique and that even though you may think that you are just a jerk, there is likely a simple answer to helping you resolve your anger issues. Furthermore, our counselors and educated and trained in helping you develop the skills necessary to overcome this problem so that you can get back to living your life with fewer challenges and limitations.


Click to learn more about the Anger Management Therapy for men that we offer.


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