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Are you struggling in a difficult relationship?
Are you trying to process the loss of a loved one?
Are you missing your kids knowing that you won’t see them again for a while?
Do you struggle with depression or general dissatisfaction with life?
Maybe you do, but we both know that you don’t have time to dwell on that crap because you have to get to work and get stuff done.
Sadly, this scenario is all too common for a lot of guys. For the most part, we aren’t given healthy coping or problem resolution skills when we’re younger and no matter how bad your life is right now, you still have to get out there and earn that paycheck. As a result, we learn to either ignore our pain altogether or deal with it as quickly as we can, even if that just means slapping a band-aid on a bullet wound so we can keep going.
How’s that working for you? Are you enjoying waking up hungover every morning? Do you appreciate the lack of sleep, irritability, outbursts of rage, pornography addiction, weight gain, sexual dysfunction, constant fatigue, or any of the other symptoms that come along with avoiding your emotional pain?
I didn’t think so. If you’re looking for another way, consider these facts about your emotional pain and what you, as a man, can do about it:
Identify it.
Saying that pain doesn’t hurt does not make it true. If you are struggling and trying to ignore it, that pain is going to catch up with you eventually. Try identifying your pain instead. Just say to yourself, “I’m sad,” “I’m hurting,” or whatever phrase is most appropriate. There is no shame or weakness in acknowledging that there is something wrong.
Accept it.
As men, we want to fix the problem. Flat tire on your truck? No worries. Pop the flat tire off and replace it with the spare. Now, you’re back on the road in under 30 minutes. Sometimes, though, we need healing more than a solution. Don’t be afraid to experience your pain. Sure it may suck for a few days, but that sure beats fighting it off for 6 months only to be overtaken by it eventually anyway.
Get help.
Yes, get help. Just like you would call the electrician you know to help you out with that faulty outlet in your kitchen. Call someone who knows what they are talking about to help you learn how to manage your pain. There’s no shame in it. And the time you spend working on this will be much shorter and way more effective than you trying to figure it out on your own.
At Mind Works Counseling Services in Lubbock, TX, we understand men. We know you hate the idea of working with a counselor. We know you are not the greatest communicator, and we know you have stuff to do and can’t stay in counseling forever. We take all of this into account when we start working with someone. We want to work with you, so give us a call. Tell us what you need, what you can afford, and how long you’re planning to spend in counseling and we will do our best to give you all we have within the boundaries you set. We can’t make any promises aside from one: We know what we are doing and we will do our best to help.
Learn more about the Men’s Counseling Services we offer.
Contact us to make an appointment or to let us answer any questions you may have.
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