• Joshuah Ellis, MS, LPC

How to Build Intimacy in Your Relationship as a Man

One of the most common issues I see in relationships when working with couples is a lack of intimacy. It is actually fairly common for couples to struggle in this area. Keep in mind though that contrary to popular belief, intimacy is not all about sex. Sure, that is part of it but really, intimacy is more about being able to be the truest version of yourself in a safe environment with your partner.

In my experience, I have found that couples can build intimacy between them by following understanding where intimacy comes from. I am sure there are others who could tell you more than I am about to but what I have found is that intimacy comes from connection, and connection comes from communication. In other words: good communication strengthens connection, and connection strengthens intimacy. Once you understand this, it becomes easier to think about how to deepen the level of intimacy between you and your partner.


The following are a few steps you can start taking, as a man, to build better intimacy in your relationship:


Tell your partner about your day.

Obviously, this is part of that communication thing we hear so much about. I have worked with so many couples where one person just won’t talk. Typically, men are less forthcoming with details about their day-to-day life. They often think it sounds exhausting to rehash every detail from the long and tiresome work day. Here’s the thing though; it doesn’t have to be that bad. Just tell you partner 3 things:

  1. Something you did today that pertains to your job.

  2. Something you felt at one point during the day (frustrated, excited, relieved, annoyed, etc.)

  3. Something you thought at one point during the day.

Ask your partner about their day.

See where I’m going with this? Now, if you are thinking that this question is going to spin out of control into more of a conversation than you are prepared for at the moment, then just ask about 1 aspect of the day. Ask about the high point or the low point of the day. Be specific. Checking in with each other like this helps both parties feel more connected to one another.


Make spending non-sexual time together a priority.

Men rarely struggle to find time and opportunity for sex. However, this may not always be what your significant other is looking for. If you make the effort to meet the emotional needs of your partner, then chances are your sex life will also improve as the connection and intimacy between you becomes stronger and deeper. In many cases, simply putting forth some selfless effort can be a great way to deepen intimacy in your relationship.


Granted there is plenty more that I could include in this blog, but these 3 tips should get you started. Don’t for a second think that intimacy is not important to you just because you’re a dude. Long-lasting, happy, satisfying relationships must have intimacy. And, if you are going to have intimacy, you need connection. If you want to connect, you need to communicate. It’s as simple as that.


At Mind Works Counseling Services in Lubbock, TX, we specialize in working with couples, just like you, to help them find a deeper connection and increase intimacy in their relationships. You might be surprised by how a few small changes could have a big impact on your relationship.


Learn more about the Relationship Therapy we offer.


Contact us to make an appointment or to let us answer any questions you may have.

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